The Steamy Truth about Sex and Finance
“One of the strongest statistical findings is that the higher the man’s income, the greater the chance of the couple staying together.”
Prof Andrew Oswald – Warwick University
In any relationship the money issue will eventually raise its ugly head. It could be that your partner lost their job or you have a new addition to the family in the form of a new baby or an aging parent – either way, the old saying ‘When poverty strikes, love flies out the window.” is never more relevant and it can become really difficult to hold on to your relationship.
Most people would prefer to believe that the vows they took on their wedding day of ‘for richer or poorer’ were really that easy but the truth is that financial comfort oils the marriage. Lack of money triggers arguments in any relationship and ranks higher than sex problems in leading to divorce, says money guru Alvin Hall from BB2’s ‘Your Money or your Life”.
Differences about money management are an age old debate between couples and stem from our very different way of handling money.
Some say that women are more conscious of their immediate debt and plan monthly due to their inbred carer instincts whereas men will take greater risks as they consider the larger picture when planning the finances. Think about your own relationship. Which one of you takes care of the money? Who makes purchase decisions and to what level? Who manages the bank accounts? Do you have a joint account or separate ones?
All of these questions need to be answered before you undertake financial lovemaking or you can be assured that drama will follow.
Lack of money or money debates between couples are the cause of enormous tensions and arguments that can put an end to the loving, sexual side of the relationship impairing sexual activity and leading to further frustration that only serve to undermine the relationship further often ending in divorce. It can be a vicious circle that couples should take care to avoid. Here are some tips:
- Start by discussing your individual approach to finances
- Find out how you both feel about joint or separate accounts
- How you feel about debt, credit cards and savings
- Agree budgets
- Put aside the money to pay everyday expenses and set budgets
- Include pensions and life insurances
- Look ahead and set a long as well as a short term budget – you may have a child
- Agree where to cut back if you have to
- Share the load
- Ensure you both know the amounts due each month for mortgages, cars, utilities etc
- Go through all the bank accounts together
- Discuss your retirement future
- Explore your fears together
- Have a status meeting at least once a month
- Bring all your paperwork and put it on the table
- Air problems eg: maxed out credit cards
- Talk about upcoming debts/wage increases and how you’ll cope
- Prioritise expenditure and agree on it
- Be open minded about what your spouse views as unnecessary expense
- Agree on setting money aside for essential expense
- Go back to the budget
- Face the future
- Ensure the money issue isn’t an excuse for more serious problems
- Plan ahead
- Budget in treats that you both enjoy
- Talk it out!
It’s easier to blame than to defend financial losses in a relationship so if you are the one in charge of the finances ensure that you constantly share the financial situation with your partner at all times and remember to take time out to enjoy life regardless of the lack of money. Besides, sex is free as well as being a good stress reliever!
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Anco van Velsen
Jane van Velsen - The Right Writer
